Yes, there really are Spam flavored Macacamia Nuts available to the general public and you don't need to be of a certain age or have a prescription to purchase them. There is rumor of regulatory legislation being introduced but it would have a tough time passing in this largely democratic state which loves to eat Spam. (Photos by Tom Sadowski)
Yes, there really are Spam flavored Macacamia Nuts available to the general public and you don't need to be of a certain age or have a prescription to purchase them. There is rumor of regulatory legislation being introduced but it would have a tough time passing in this largely democratic state which loves to eat Spam. (Photos by Tom Sadowski)
It's Valentine's Day. At 3:46 a.m. something happens in the field outside our cottage and what I assume is a goose honks non-stop. Then all the roosters start cockle-doodle-do-ing. They don't crow all night long but they have occasional outbreaks. They remind me of the walking dead that won't leave you alone and often show up unexpectedly.

Since it's Valentines Day, we exchange small gifts of locally bought chocolates and locally-produced Spam-flavored macadamia nuts. Yes, that is correct: locally bought chocolates. Nothing could be more romantic.

We all get in the car and head for the north shore where we stop at many beaches to study the waves. I offer my expert opinion but I am ignored. Perhaps no one heard me because of the rough surf. We make our way to the Turtle Bay Resort and stay for a long fancy lunch at Roy's Beach House. Turtle Bay is a huge resort that we drove past 30 years ago when we were last in Hawaii hoping that some day in our old age we could afford to eat lunch there. So here we are and some would say in our old age. My wife assures me that I can afford to pay for it. She orders cocktails and appetizers. I grumble quietly and remind myself that it is Valentine's Day.

It's evening; my wife spots a bug on the kitchen floor behind the trash container and screams for me to come and remove it. Before I can get there, as I am waking from a light nap, she immediately calls for backup from my daughter. I hear the daughter come to the rescue and mistaking a chip in the floor for the bug that my wife is yelling about, she says, “Oh Mom, that's not such a big bu ... AHHH! For the love of Jupiter! Look at the size of that thing!” (She did not actually refer to Jupiter but instead swore like a sailor invoking other deities.)

My wife calls for a bowl to trap the creature as she does not want to clean up the mess in case someone is having any bright ideas about shooting it with a shotgun. I stumble into the room. People are dancing around shouting suggestions. My daughter grabs the box that the creature crawled into, swiftly takes it outside and throws it in the driveway. An eight-inch centipede crawls out of the box and I make a mental note to do more research on how to avoid such animals. The centipede heads away from the house into the grass. Where are the chickens when you need them? There are only three species of centipede in Hawaii and only one is poisonous. So chances are two out of three this one was harmless.