Mac Deford: November Surprise — The National Unity Ticket
Thursday, November 03, 2016 10:58 AM
I know, we’ve had it up to here with October surprises: it began with the video of Trump’s groping boasts and climaxed with FBI head Comey announcing the investigation of some 650,000 emails on the computer of Anthony Weiner, he of crotch photo fame and estranged husband of Hillary’s closest aide and confidante.
It’s not as if we were dealing with two well-liked, but ultimately failed, presidential candidates — say Al Gore or John McCain. Unfortunately, and as has been so well documented, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are the least-liked presidential-striving duo ever.
No point in getting into, again, what this says about our politics, or our primary system, or the attitude of the typical Republican voter, or the depth deficiency in the Democratic lineup. What it does say — and this is worth repeating — is that one of these two will start her or his presidency with at least half the American population strongly disliking him or her, thinking the president they are going to have for the next four years is corrupt, incompetent, untrustworthy, mean-spirited, unqualified, or ________ (fill in the blank).
It needn’t be like this. We should come out of our presidential process united, not divided.
And I’m going to outline a movement that is rapidly gaining strength.…
Later this week, right after you read this, or a day or two later — in any case, before the November 8th presidential election — the two will appear at a joint press conference, which will be covered live by news channels across the globe, to make what their respective camps will advertise as an “amazing” (Trump camp) and “historic” (Hillary camp) announcement.
And both camps will be right. Here’s the gist of the plan: on November 9th, the day after the election, whoever wins will announce that his, or her, vice-president is stepping down and the losing presidential candidate will be replacing him. In other words, if Trump wins, Hillary will be his vice-president. And vice versa.
Mike Pence, who as governor of Indiana has been heavily involved in the state’s budget and its economy, will become Secretary of the Treasury. Tim Kaine, who currently chairs the Senate’s Foreign Relations Subcommittee on Near East and South Asian Affairs, will become Secretary of State. Other key cabinet positions will be equally divided between prominent Republicans and Democrats.
It won’t then matter who controls the House or Senate, as Republican and Democratic Congressmen alike will align behind the unified presidency.
The most difficult part of the exercise — because, obviously, of the bitterness engendered by the campaign — was making the initial contact between the two sides that led to this national unity approach. And, ironically, the original contact — who knew both sides well — was a woman who had been the recipient of a crotch shot from Anthony Weiner and a crotch grab by Donald Trump.
Rather than publicly denouncing either individual, she proposed the above unique solution to our dangerous divisiveness.
A lawyer by training, it’s rumored that she will be filling the ninth seat on the Supreme Court.
And everyone thought a happy ending to this disastrous 18-month election cycle was impossible.